Four Reasons Why
by arandomshipper
Summary: Numbuh Two is known for being somewhat of a player, but he never seems to put the moves on his teammates, Numbuh's Three and Five. One chapter for each member of the team to inquire why. Or something like that.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't use misspelling to display accents. Numbuh Four has an Australian accent. Please use your imagination to compensate.

Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.

 **Four Reasons Why**

On an average day after an average mission, Numbuh Two and Numbuh Four sat at the bar at Lime Ricky's, as they often did.

"Boy, you shoulda seen the look on Nightbrace's face when I busted through the door and kicked him in the stomach!" Wally chuckled.

"Yeah, well Mr. Boss was..." Hoagie trailed off as he caught sight of a pretty girl he didn't know taking a seat at the end of the bar.

"Numbuh Two?" Wally frowned. He followed his friend's eyes. "Oh, no. Now, don't-"

"Watch my root beer." Hoagie said confidently. Wally slapped his hand over his eyes and grumbled inaudibly to himself as the larger boy got out of his seat and headed toward the end of the bar. He didn't bother to look up at the scene unfolding before the other patrons of the bar: After all, he'd seen the same thing countless times before. He instead turned his attention toward his own drink.

Less than a minute later, Numbuh Two resumed his seat, sporting a new, angry red starfish on his cheek.

The two sat in comfortable silence for a while, pretending nothing had happened, but as the minutes wore on, Wally's face began to take on a troubled look.

"Hey, uh, Numbuh Two?" He finally started nervously.

"Yeah, Numbuh Four?"

"I been thinkin'. You hit on every cruddy girl you ever see that's our age, and even a few that aren't. How come you never hit on Numbuh Three or Numbuh Five? Or Numbuh Three? Is it 'cause she's...I mean 'cause they're your teammates? Like, you won't date in the team or somethin'?"

Numbuh Two gave a sly grin, then wiped it away quickly, a nonchalant look on his face. "Nah, that's not why. The reason's totally different. Not that it matters. It's not important, anyway, right?"

"Yes! I mean, No! I mean...nah, it's not important at all. I was just a little curious, is all. Heh, heh." Numbuh Four looked even more troubled now.

Hoagie laughed and slapped his buddy on the back. "Relax, Numbuh Four, I'll tell you so you don't drive yourself crazy tonight thinking about it. The reason I don't hit on Kuki is pretty obvious. If you pay attention to my pattern, even though it seems like I hit on everyone, I'm actually very careful never to hit on a girl who's already taken."

"Oh, so that was it." Wally said in relief. The both sipped their sodas. Then his face made a quick series of changes, from comprehension, to horror, to fury. "Wait, what do you mean, 'taken'? Kuki has a BOYFRIEND?!" He grabbed Hoagie by the shirt and shook him. "Who is he?! I'll kill him! I'll kill his cruddy dogs! I'll-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I said relax, buddy!" Hoagie laughed even harder as he threw up his hands in surrender. "She's not actually dating the guy! When I said 'taken', I just meant that she has someone she likes who also likes her back. That's taken enough, as far as I'm concerned."

"Oh." Wally slowly released Hoagie and turned back to his drink despondently. He stared into his cup without taking a sip. "So...so Kuki likes someone, huh?" His hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly. "So who is the guy? Just, you know, out of curiosity. And stuff."

Hoagie eyed his buddy with amusement. "Here's a hint. He's a teammate, too."

"Numbuh One?!" Wally's eyes widened "But he's...I mean sure, he's kinda...but...but...

"Come on, Numbuh Four. Think for once. Nigel's already dating Lizzie, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." The wheels started turning again. "Someone on the team. There's Numbuh One, and..."

"It's not me, either."

"So it IS Numbuh One!" Wally said in a mix of anger and sadness.

"No."

"Well, then I don't know what you're talking about!" Wally exploded. "Start making sense, already! You say it's someone on the team, then you say it's not you or Numbuh One. There's somethin' wrong with your math."

Hoagie just stared at his friend in amazement. "Wow. I feel sorry for Kuki. She's got a looooooooong, hard road ahead of her."

"What the crud are you talking about!?" Wally shouted.

"Nevermind. Let's just say I don't hit on Numbuh Three 'cause she's not my type, okay?" Hoagie said in exasperation.

"Oh. Well, why didn't you just say so?" Wally gave a relieved chuckle, but his face immediately darkened. "Wait, what do you mean she's not your type? What's wrong with her?"

"Geez, you are such a pain sometimes! Um," Numbuh Two thought, then answered with exaggerated sarcasm, "It's because she's too pretty. I like girls who are less pretty than Numbuh Three. Which is all of them."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Numbuh Four agreed happily. "Uh, not that I notice. Or think so. I just know that some other people to think so." He finished with a concerned glance around to make sure no one else was listening.

"Riiiiiiight." Numbuh Two shook his head in annoyance.

They both returned to their drinks, a little relieved that the harrowing conversation was over, though each for different reasons. But Wally began to look troubled again, though not so troubled as the last time.

"Hey, Numbuh Two."

"Yeah?" Hoage asked through gritted teeth.

"You never did tell me about Numbuh Five."

Hoagie sighed a long sigh. He'd hoped the conversation was over, but as usual, Wally's memory seemed to work properly only when Hoagie really didn't want it to. He said the first thing that came to mind. "It's cause she's a teammate. I don't hit on teammates."

Wally's brow furrowed. "But you just said-"

"Alright, fine! I don't hit on Numbuh Five because...when she shoots me down...it actually hurts." He finished in a whisper.

Numbuh Four had leaned in to make sure he heard every word, but he didn't understand at all. He sat back in concentration, aware that for some reason his buddy didn't want to talk about this anymore, but still wanting to know. With no other option, he put his considerable intellect on the case.

Finally, his face cleared as comprehension dawned on him. "Ah." He nodded his understanding. "Yeah. So that's how it is, huh?"

"That's how it is." Hoagie replied.

"Yeah. Numbuh Five is pretty strong, huh? I bet a slap from her wouldn't fade in a couple minutes like the one from that sheila at the other end of the bar, huh?" He said, proud of his critical thinking skills.

"Oh, yes. Whether she means to or not, Abby leaves scars that last a long, long time."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.

 **Three Reasons Why**

Numbuh Two sat on the couch in the Treehouse, playing video games. He'd just spent a few hours working on some new 2x4 technology, and he needed the break. A mind-numbing activity like Call of Duty was just the ticket. He wasn't worried about hogging the TV. Numbuh One was out doing some father-son thing, and Numbuh Five was off on a solo mission. Numbuh Three was usually a prime candidate for sudden interruptions, but she'd just dragged Numbuh Four off...somewhere. Hoagie didn't know or care where, just so long as it kept them out of his hair for-

"Numbuh Twwwwoooooo! Come play with meeeeeeeee!" That unmistakable singsong voice with the baby-talk lisp startled him at just the wrong time, and he was dead. _There goes my kill streak,_ Numbuh Two grumbled internally.

Out loud, he said, "I thought you were out with Numbuh Four?"

"I don't wanna play with that big meanie anymore!" Numbuh Three pouted.

"Uh, don't you mean _little_ meanie? You're bigger than he is."

"Whatever. He's nothing but a big, fat, JERK!" She yelled, and her eyes flamed. An instant later, her demeanor did a 180, a beautific smile dominating her features. "But you're nice, right Numbuh Two? You'll play with me instead, right?"

"Actually, Numbuh Three, I was just-"

"RIIIIIIGHT!?" Her eyes flared again.

"...right." He turned off the TV and system with a sigh.

"Yay! I needed one more person for my Perfect Party Rainbow Monkey's tea party. There's me, and Mr. Huggykins, and Perfect Party Rainbow Monkey, and Sunshine Face Rainbow Monkey, but Big Ouchie Rainbow Monkey had to go to the doctor, and Sympathy Pain Rainbow Monkey went with him, and we really, really..."

She continued to prattle, and Hoagie tuned her out as best he could as they made the trek to her room. Numbuh Three was a great teammate and a good friend, but he definitely preferred her in small doses. Prolonged exposure could be disasterous to his brain. He hoped Numbuh Four, who seemed to have an immunity to the brain-drain that was Kuki, made up with her soon.

They settled into the 'tea party', which involved no actual tea and no actual partying, with satisfaction on her part and resignation on his. All too soon, it degraded into a psuedo therapy session in which Numbuh Three vented all her frustration and anger at Wally, and Numbuh Two nodded and made agreeable noises at the appropriate times.

"...and he never, ever, ever tells me I'm pretty, even when I wear my prettiest dress! And he always makes fun of everything I like! Even though rainbow monkeys are so cute and cuddly, he just says 'stupid cruddy girly rainbow monkeys'!" She did her best Wally impression. Numbuh Two giggled. It was pretty good.

"Yeah, well, that's just how Wally is. You know that. He's got some kinda complex about showing any feminine traits. I'm actually really surprised how well you two usually manage to get along with how he is about that."

"Yeah. That's true." Numbuh Three deflated a bit. Now that someone was agreeing with her, she felt the need to defend Wally a little. "But he can be really nice sometimes."

"Yeah? Like when?"

"Like...um...okay, well...he's nice on the inside! I'm pretty sure. Sometimes. He really cares somewhere waaaaaaay down deep in there, where he never ever EVER SHOWS IT! HE'S JUST A BIG JERK!" She burst into tears.

Numbuh Two patted her back. "Hey, it's okay. Like you said, he really does care. He just has trouble relating to girls. He doesn't get that talking about your feelings doesn't have to be girly."

"Yeah, but why does he have to be like that?" Her tears dried up. "You're not like that. You're always talking to girls, and you always say nice things. Even Ro _man_ tic things. Like telling them how pretty they are. Or how pretty their clothes are. Or how you'd like to get to know them better. Or-"

"Eheheh, yeah, okay, I get it. That's enough now." Numbuh Two rubbed the back of his neck in embarassment.

"How come you never say anything like that to _me_ , Numbuh Two? Don't you think I'm pretty?" Numbuh Three batted her eyelashes.

Hoagie laughed. "You already know why. Quit pretending, Numbuh Three."

Kuki smiled wistfully. "Yeah. I know. But it's so frustrating sometimes. He's sooooooooooo dense!"

"He'll grow out of it. Just give it some time. A lot of kids don't start thinking about romance until they're teenagers. Not everyone can be as grown up as you and me. Uhhh, don't tell Numbuh One I said that." Hoagie glanced around nervously.

That got a giggle from Kuki. "I wouldn't do that, silly. I knew what you meant." Then she got thoughtful. "But what about Numbuh Five?"

"You can tell her, I guess. She's not the type to misunderstand something like that and jump to some crazy, paranoid delusion about adult brains taking over our bodies or something."

"Nooo, I meant how come you never treat Numbuh Five ro _man_ tically?" Numbuh Three's eyes went all shiny. "What if you told her she was preeeetty, and the she thought you were handsome, and then you held haaaaands, and then you started daaaaating, and then maybe even-!"

"Alright, stop!" Hoagie hid his blush. "Listen, I don't think Numbuh Five is the type to do those kinds of things. She may not be dense like Numbuh Four, but she's not all into sappy girly stuff like you, either."

"But you could try! What if it worked? You two would be sooooooo cute together! You try with all the other girls, why not her?"

"She's not interested." Hoagie said firmly. "I'm a bit of an expert on things like this. Pushing it would only make her mad. Have you ever seen Numbuh Five get mad?"

"Like when she hits you with her hat for making stupid jokes?"

"No. That's just mild irritation. I've only seen her get really mad once, and I never want to see it again, and believe me, you don't either. So drop it, and leave it alone, okay?"

"Okay." Said Numbuh Three dejectedly.

They heard someone enter the treehouse. "Numbuh Three? Where are you? I didn't mean it. Your stupid, girly dress is...I mean, there's nothing wrong with your dress. Okay? Are you still mad?"

"Wally!" She brightened immediately and jumped up, leaving Hoagie alone with his thoughts and an army of stuffed animals. He picked one up and looked at it without seeing it.

"Man, what's up with everyone asking me about that lately?"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.

 **Two Reasons Why**

"You wanted to see me, Numbuh One?"

"Yes. It wasn't anything urgent, but thank you for being so prompt, anyway." Numbuh One turned from the mission monitor to address Hoagie, his hands clasped behind his back in that official manner of his. "I just wanted to commend you on your professionalism within the team. I know it must be difficult to restrain your, ah, _natural tendencies_ , but I'm glad to see that keeping the team complication-free is as high a priority for you as it is for me."

"Uh, I'm not really sure what you're talking about, Numbuh One." Hoagie said with genuine confusion.

"I am referring to your exclusion of our female teammates in your unrelenting quest for companionship of a romantic nature. It clearly shows that you're putting the good of the team ahead of your personal desires, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that."

Hoagie groaned inwardly. This again? It was like a barrage, the last few days. One after another, his friends bringing up that uncomfortable subject. However, with no desire to remedy Nigel's misunderstanding, for once he didn't need to offer anything other than tacit agreement. "Right. Yes. The team. Always put the team first. Eheheh."

But to his consternation, Nigel did not drop the subject. "I mean, who knows what Numbuh Four would do to you if you were to persue Numbuh Three. And we can't afford to lose the best scientist in the KND over some stupid romantic squabble."

"Sure." He agreed uneasily. That subject was fine, just as long as he didn't bring up-

"Still, I have wondered a few times why you haven't ever made a pass at-"

"Oh, look at the time! Sorry, Numbuh One, gotta go." Nigel was nowhere near as dense as Wally, and there was no way Hoagie would talk about _that_ subject with him.

"Wait!" Nigel said hastily. "There was one more thing I wanted to discuss with you."

"Um, no, I really should-"

"Please, Hoagie!" That brought him up short. Nigel saying please, there's something you don't see every day.

"...Okay, shoot."

"Well, you're something of an expert in romance, yes?"

"Yeeeaaaahhhh?" Hoagie said suspiciously.

"So let's say, just for the sake of arguement, there was this guy who had been accused of being a bit work-obsessed a time or two, and he may have blown off his girlfriend on a date to go on an emergency mission, and she wasn't talking to him. What would he do to make it up to her?"

Hoagie wanted to laugh in relief, but this was actually a bit serious, so he held back his amusement. "Did she break up with you?"

"No, she never actually said that to me...I mean, the guy! She never told him they were breaking up. She just said, 'I'm really mad! I'm not talking to you anymore!'"

Numbuh Two patted his leader on the back. "Then it's not that bad. She just needs some time to cool off. She knew exactly what you...I mean, the guy...she knew what the guy was like before they started dating, and she still likes him. Just give her some time to remember that. Of course, a box of chocolates usually speeds things along a little, so I've heard." He winked and nudged Nigel with his elbow.

"I see. Yes, that's logical. I'll be sure to pass the advice on to my friend."

As Nigel sped off, Hoagie heaved another great sigh. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "Well, at least that's the last of them. I won't have to be doing that again anytime soon."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: It's funny how things work sometimes. This chapter was actually the first one I conceptualized. In fact, I originally conceived this story as a oneshot. Just pure Hoagie/Abby interaction. Overall, though, I'm pretty happy with the way things turned out. Highlighting Wally, Kuki and Nigel's respective quirks was tons of fun. KND was a great series, and it was a great experience, revisting it a bit in the form of the written word.

Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.

 **One Reason Why**

"Hey, baby. Want a raisin? Sorry, none left. How about a date instead?"

"Good thing I got my library card, 'cause I'm totally checking you out."

"Hey, beautiful. Are you German? 'Cause I wanna be Ger-man!"

"Do you have a Band-Aid? I scraped my knee falling for you."

"Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I please borrow yours?"

Numbuh Two was having the time of his life. This was exactly the kind of event he thrived in. Getting the invitation to this shindig from the Delightful Children had been quite the stroke of luck. Because it was from them, it was officially a high-priority mission. No chance anything more important could pop up and cause Sector V to miss this.

As soon as they saw the invitation, Numbuh's 2-5 had instantly conspired with no need for words to get their fearless leader to spend a little quality time with his girlfriend. Which meant that ostensibly, Numbuh Four was with Numbuh Three and Numbuh Two was with Numbuh Five, allowing Nigel to take Lizzie to the event as his date. Nigel and Lizzie were the exceptions at this event, however. None of the guests apart from Sector V's leader and his date were romantically involved, nor was there an implication of romantic interest in choosing a partner for the night, thankfully. Otherwise, Wally's head might've exploded from trying to ask Kuki.

Of course, the situation suited Hoagie right down to the ground. Somewhere near a hundred girls, all dolled up for the night and unattached, and him with his best suit on, right in his element. There was still whatever the Delightfuls had planned to worry about, but Hoagie had no problem whatsoever mixing business and pleasure. That was Nigel's hangup.

He hit up the buffet table first (priorites), then proceeded to mow through girls like so much grass.

"Remember me? Oh, no, you wouldn't. We've only met in my dreams."

"Lemme guess your name. It must be WiFi, because we totally have a connection."

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you."

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past again?"

"Are you a campfire? Cause you're hot and I want s'more."

Every few minutes or so, he returned to the shadowy corner of the room, from which Numbuh Five watched his progess with resigned amusement, to allow his progressively more sore left cheek (most of the girls at the party were right handed, it seemed) some time to recover. Abby, like Hoagie, had perfected the art of mixing business with pleasure, but she was much more at home at the fringes of a crowd than in the middle of one, being very much the opposite of an attention-hound.

"You keep this up, your cheek gonna have a permanent handprint on it by the time the night's over. That thing's redder than a baboon's behind." Numbuh Five drawled.

"Think I can get some sympathy mileage out of it?" Hoagie asked enthusiastically.

"Nope." Numbuh Five said bluntly.

"Dang it. I guess I'll just have to keep leaning on my natural charm, then."

Abby shook her head ruefully. "You really are amazing, you know that?"

"How so? I mean, I know I'm amazing, but what specific amazing thing about me are you referring to right now?"

"Your bravery and confidence. Most people would get discouraged and stop trying if they'd been rejected half as many times as you. That you can walk right up to a girl and expect her to say yes after eleventy billion no's is amazing. You got my respect for that."

Hoagie went quiet for a while, thinking. It was a bit of a quandary. He was definitely happy to have Abby's respect, but he felt like it was a respect born of misunderstanding. Deep down, he would rather be understood than respected.

"That's not really how it is, Numbuh Five." He said, with a seriousness that was very unusual for him. "I don't try over and over again because I'm confident that I'll succeed each time. It's more like...I've already accepted the fact that I'm not very attractive or appealing. Most girls won't give me a second glance. I probably only really have a little bit of a chance with maybe one girl in a million. That means I gotta try to hit on pretty much every girl I see, or one day I'll just pass right by her, miss my one chance completely, and never know it."

Abby's face screwed up a little at that response. "Okay. Maybe you're not quite as confident as I thought. But you're still tough and brave, to put up with all that rejection and still keep trying."

Hoagie rubbed the back of his neck in embarassment. "I guess you might say that, but that's not really how I see it. It doesn't really take any bravery or toughness from me to hit on a girl I don't even know. If she rejects me, so what? We'll probably never see each other again, and even if we do, we're not close enough for me to care what she thinks of me, anyway. Now, if it was someone I was close to, who I knew and liked, whose opinion actually mattered to me...I don't think I could _ever_ ask her out."

"...So, what you're saying is...what I thought was bravery and confidence was actually cowardice and and total lack of self-esteem?"

"Yep. That's pretty much it."

"Hmmm." Abby chewed on that for a while. "Well then, you should work on that. If the opinions of all those girls really matter so little, maybe you shouldn't bother with them at all. And trust me on this, you've got a lot going on for you. You can afford have a better opinion of yourself. Just wait until you find that one girl that you really do care about, and save all that 'natural charm' for her. I'm sure she'll see what a special person you are."

"Maybe you're right, Numbuh Five. I don't know if I'm going to change anytime soon, though. I've kinda been the way I am for a while. Old habits are hard to break, and all that. But I'll think about it."

"You do that." Abby watched as Hoagie wandered into the heart of the party once again, approaching a redhead at the punch bowl.

"You know, if I was allowed to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

Numbuh Five shook her head fondly. "Idiot."


End file.
